


Why me

by TheNako



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, Some Fluff, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:03:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNako/pseuds/TheNako
Summary: This fic is officially getting picked back up!





	1. Reach

It would have been a lie to say that he didn't have romantic feelings for Elder Price.

No, Kevin.

If it couldn't happen in real life, the least he could do was pretend.

_Calling him Kevin. Him responding with “Love you too, Connor.” Running his hands through his hair. Holding hands. Secret kisses. Secret … things beyond kisses._

He found it hard to imagine going beyond kisses. For now, he would just sit and dream about how his hand might feel, how his … lips might feel, crushed against his.

  
Before leaving from Uganda, they had all exchanged phone numbers. Most were easy to categorize: the ones that he still talked to and the ones he could almost forget. Except for one.

It belonged to Kevin Price.

Obviously he had it on his phone’s contacts app, but he also still had the little piece of paper Elder Price had written it on with neat handwriting. Every time he needed luck, he would take it out and smile, because he could still see Kevin’s smile clear as day in his eyes.

His number was special. He never called it.

Oh, of course, he had tried. He really did. He fantasized about it at night, when he couldn't sleep. In those fantasies, it was easy. He would just call, and Elder Price would pick up, and they would start … talking and everything would be find.

Earlier on, it was _Oh, it's too early … I don't want him to think I'm clingy_. He didn't know when, but somewhere between then and now it had turned into _It’s been too long … he probably has a new life now or something._

It probably would have stayed that way if not for the call from Arnold.

“Elder Mckinley I dunno what to do and I'm worried and he's not the same anymore and I need someone to talk to help me please!”

After about ten minutes of trying to calm him down, Connor managed to get two things out of Arnold.

One, yes, Naba is still beautiful and

Two, something was very, very wrong with Elder Price. 


	2. Touch

Kevin thought he might have had feelings for Elder McKinley, back when they were in Uganda. Uganda! It felt like a memory from a different lifetime, when in reality it had only been an year.

He remembered wanting. But for what? He felt a million years old, and past “wanting”.

He remembered hope, too.

And being happy. Even the words sounded foreign in his head.

He said them out loud, to his reflection in the mirror.

Happy. Hope.

He smiled a tired smile, at the thought of someone looking in to this snapshot of his life. They would think he must be insane, And maybe they were right. Maybe he was.

But insane people don't know they’re insane, do they? Since he knew that he was, would that make him sane or insane?

All the thinking gave him a headache. He took a swig, then texted back, “ok”.

And that was that.


	3. Brush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is officially getting picked back up!

Hello.

Hey.

What’s up?

Hi.

Good morning.

Morning!

Howdy!

Sup!

Hey there.

The rest trailed into a scribbled mess.

He sighed. For some people, it seemed so natural. Like Arnold. He’d bet 300 dollars that if Arnold hadn’t seen someone in two years, he would just walk up to them, say _anything_ , and they’d come back at the end of the night drunk and delirious and becoming best friends and _happy._

In fact, why couldn’t Arnold just go talk to Kevin? As far as he knew, they still talked to each other, even if the whole “best friend” thing slightly wore off.

He debated picking up his phone right there and then and texting Kevin that “sorry, emergency meeting at the office I can’t make it tomorrow. so so sorry” and telling Arnold that he just … he couldn’t do it.

But he didn’t. Couldn’t. Because this was his last chance. Connor McKinley knew himself inside out, and he _knew_ that without a solid reason, he’d never contact Kevin, and he also knew Arnold was too good a person to ask him again if he said he couldn’t do it.

He would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn’t do it.

He forced himself to lie down, to relax. Everything would be fine. He would just put on his happy face tomorrow, pretend nothing is wrong, sort of like his district leader face. Confident. Reliable. Encouraging.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. As always, kudos and comments are super super appreciated! 
> 
> Get ready for some serious angst to hit.


End file.
